I've been avoiding posting any blog posts because I know that chronologically there is one I need to write and I don't want to. On July 20th my incredible, loving, hardworking father died. He was one of my very best friends and at times in my life my only and bestest friend. He meant the world to our family. He raised us to be strong and careful. He had a wonderful sense of humor, loved to belt Johnny Cash, and would stop along the road to help anyone in need. He was generous, selfless, and loved his family whole-heartedly. He was taken from us due to a blood clot after sustaining a work related injury for two months and being terribly mistreated along the entire way. It is heart wrenching to think of how unjustly he was treated, how no one listend to him, and how this all may have been preventable. But in the end it doesn't change anything. It will never get better. It just gets different.
Our daughter was Pap Pap's girl. She lit up at the sound of his voice or the very idea that she would be seeing him soon. And he loved her amazingly, the only grandchild he will ever have gotten to hold. We lived with my parents for a few months while we were closing on our home and my dad was using up his vacation days towards the end of the year and spent many many days just enjoying Addelyn with me while my husband and my mom were at work. It is the worst thing to have to break her heart everytime she says she wants to see him or talk to him on the phone. She understands more each time and says "Pap Pap gone, sad, love and miss Pap." She kisses the snowglobe he got her with their picture in it every night and asks me to sing the songs he sang. Our new normal is hard, and while the words start to roll off the toungue easier they hurt no less. I am grateful for every second we got with him and how wonderful of a relationship we had with him.
I can't write anymore for now, all I can say is "love you always, think of you daily."